-     What do you really want in your life? till u die? any dreams?

*    There are. but I've given up pursuing them. if one day they come true, they will loose the beauty, the meaning, the urge. ill start dreaming other dreams and chase and so on. The ends of the circle will never meet. just like that french philosopher said.

-     But why do you want the ends of the circle to meet?

*    Won't that be another kind of Nirvana if those ends meet before you die? I think that kind of satisfaction is something those who give up everything are chasing behind.

-    So that's another dream you've got there! to make those ends meet! but you will never reach there, since you've given up chasing your dreams! such a classical piece of deadlock but only till the day you die and then everything ends with your brain!

*   but sometimes I still doubt Buddha. was he genuinely at peace the day he died? didn't he have any regrets, guilt or demons in his head? any amends to make?

-   You are lost in your head man. too many unrelated thoughts like spaghetti. why are you so confused always?

*    yeaa maybe. do you remember that drunk guy asking us! what's the difference between animals and us humans? I think the answer as they say is free will. we can think but the saddest part is we don't know how to. or is there an old world monkey who can drown himself in sorrow, feel the deepest wave of depression and still laugh to make things bearable?  as Nietzsche said "Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter."

-     and?

*    and what?

-    what is the point you are tying to make?

*    I'm just saying stop fucking my brain and go to sleep.

The Raven That Refused to Sing

Being in a small wooden hall for that tiny part of your insignificant existence, with the loudest sound you can imagine drilling your ears and the guy in front of you, whose songs have been tormenting and soothing that 1.4 kg something world inside your skull, is something you should do at least once before bidding farewell to your earthly body. It literally was a pilgrimage.

Sound of the newest album is as gloomy and dark just like it's title, as it fucking should be.

why the fuck we dont have ctrl+z and shift+del in life!

fucked up cliche which keeps knocking hard on the door. The keys of which I have thrown long ago into the dark waters of the flowing river, with a cold heart, secretly.

तो

तॊ नेहेमीच जायचा दिशांची चौकट ओलांडून
द्यायचा तिथल्यांना अज्ञात काहीतरी, आणि ते हिरवळून जायचे.

तो बुडवून टाकायचा सुर्याची क्षितीजावरली किरणं
आणि मग शब्दांना घेवून फिरायचा, गुंफायचा ओळींचा गजरा संधीकालात.

तो बांधायचा मृगजळाचे घर, सजवायचा संध्याकाळच्या कवितांनी
आणि मग बसायचा तिथेच, पण आपल्यासाठी तो तिथे नसायचाच.

त्या घरा समोरील सूर्यबिंब आता विझतच नाही.
दिशापल्याडची माणसं करपलीयेत-तरसलीयेत त्याच्यासाठी.
त्याच्या शब्दांचा संधीकाली गजरा आता विखरून पडलाय.

कुणास ठाऊक कुठल्या अज्ञाताच्या प्रवासात ज्ञात शोधत फिरतोय तो ह्या सगळ्यांना मागे सोडून.
तो तेव्हाही आपला नव्हताच... आणि आता तो फक्त त्याचाच, त्याच्यासाठी...

- कवि ग्रेस 

प्रत्येक भाषेत काही कविता, कथा अशा असतात कि फक्त आणि फक्त त्यांच्यासाठीच ती भाषा एखाद्याने शिकावी. त्या काही ठराविक साहित्यापैकी असलेली हि एक कविता.

गेल्या काही वर्षांत मराठीकडे साहित्यिक दृष्टीकोनातून बघायला विसरूनच गेलो होतो, पण कधी कधी  अचानकपणे एखाद्या मराठी वेबसाईट वर Mozilla घुटमळतो आणि मग नकळत उमगत कि आपल्या प्रत्येक विचारामध्ये, श्वासा-श्वासामध्ये पहिली-दुसरीत शिकलेली बाराखडीच आहे.

In honour of Darwin

Spent around 8-9 hours spread out over a week and a half for the more or less final sketch down below.

following photo was after I guess 4 hours, wasnt feeling confident enough to be able to reproduce the texture of ruff surface which is on the right side of the fossil. So left it there and didnt touch it for 2 days. Deliberately letting this only photo at that stage of sketch uncropped for inclusion of the book itself in the photo. "On the Origin of Species" was indeed the major inspiration behind this attempt! On one fine day, I hope I will be competent enough to sketch portrait of Darwin which is printed there.

I am not yet done with the book, still some 100 pages to go. But man, this is the book, every single civilized educated modern home sapien should read! The name of the book is a little misleading since it neither ventures into the beginning of life nor has it yet touched philosophical side of the origin mystery, which I think it wont touch at all, given the scientific nature of the publication. Origin of THE SPECIES is, as far as I can put into words, a hypothesis on the existence of various species since the beginning, their extinction, the laws governing on the whole massive scale of nature and empirical deduction of those laws with handful of eye-opening examples. In addition to that Darwin does pose, often than rarely with an air of scientific sophistication, some of the very intelligent and important questions against the then widespread creationist theory involving god.

Another thing about the book is the very language. Out of the very few number of books Ive read yet, this was I presume the most attention sucking book. I couldnt read more than 20 pages in one go. Sometimes it took more than 2-3 readings of the same line to extract the implication and understand the context. Used to wonder from where the hell do they get the GRE verbal section passages, damn. Nevertheless there are great number of lyrically eloquent passages and smooth spoken arguments that one cant just help but appreciate the adept writer inside the great naturalist.

Some of the ideas like survival of the fittest etc. might sound cliched to our 21st century brains but definitely it wont stop us being awestruck at the huge amount of work this man must have done and the great many years of his life he must have spent to figure out the most probable, I dare say as of yet the best and the most logical, explanation to the intricate, complex and mammoth of a question that was in front of humanity ever since those advanced primates started being conscious about their own existence and the nature around. You can find some loose notes I took from the book on my Listography page.

Biologist Thomas Huxley was known as Darwin's Bulldog and Richard Dawkins, the most influential figure in current scene of science vs religion, is known as Darwin's Rottweiler for their blaring advocacy and support for Darwin's ideas and theory. Bet they must be feeling proud of it!

Coming back to the sketch, on the 3rd night, figured out a way to get the texture on the paper. by very small dots packed near each other at varying density and value! and well, here is the final piece, dedicated to the man. still a lot to improve, but enough to keep myself motivated!

had to use more than 5 pencils of different hardness, the lovely kneaded eraser and oh yea, hell lotta fuckin patience ;)