as calm n cold as beautiful autumn. listen to this record with your eyes closed
its like feeling the warmth of the sun rays, early in the misty mornings.
last night, was walkin down the road with a cousin of mine.. kind of a childhood friend. we ended up finding an ugly n poor old drunkard, sleepin on the road in front of a desi bar. my cousin said "half of them dont want to go home n half of them dont hav one to go!! "
such an artistic n poetic expression it was. n we left the scene. lately, i was trying to visualise that old man's life. he must have came from some far off village. debts, wife, children n makin home with a salary, which wont even buy a branded jeans for us. 30 years of life, spent travellin in packed trains of suburbs, in search of a better life.
long ago, he might have mistakenly travelled in the first class compartment. the looks from the white collared men must have raped his pride. for a day, he must have tried to look through the glass of a jewellery shop. he must have read a news bout a suicide of his farmer friend in village.

50 Rs in wallet, wasted life, nothing to live for, nothing to die for. what can we expect? all n all its no one's fault.

oh yes, there was a dog, who accompanied him.

Exam Syndromes (Plz dont read its crap)

7th sem exams goin on, n im saturated. every semester for a month, my brain is infected with some kinda crappy virus.

pre-paper night fantasies : the night before with a book in my hand, i was thinking bout the illusion I had about ocean n sky.
when i was a kid, i used to ask which of these is infinite, ocean or sky? as i grew up, n learned in geography, that sea is not infinite!!!! I was happy. i started to formulate a proof in "technical" words "why sky [my old school version of sky, where sky is what we see when we look above in an open ground, which is like a ceiling where earth is hanging and sun is revolving].
so i found a scientific method to prove i was wrong.
lets imagine we dig the floor, i literally imagined all the superhumans like batman, superman, spiderman helping me to dig the earth, so that we can reach that side... eg. if i start to dig the floor here in mumbai, i would end up peeping up somewhere in atlantic ocean between africa and south america. right?
lets assume, there is no water in atlantic. so we've successfully drilled the mother earth through its center. u stand near the hole n look down.
we can see the sky underneath our feet.. the only problem here is, if its night here, ull probably c light through that hole, n if its daytime, ull c the dark version of sky. hence we deciphered the illusion that sky is not like a ceiling, it is there far beneath the ground infact its nothing. its void. empty.
hence we can say its not infinity.
i was not on acid or something. really!!! its called engineering.
then i was bitten by an unfortunate mosquito. i murdered!!! im still confused bout Jainism!!!

post paper fantasy :
after confirming probability of my failing is near zero in that fucked up question paper, i walked out of the exam room before an hour. went to eat a sandwich. i jus took a seat without looking around. somehow i got to know, a girl was sittin next to me. i could know it coz of her sandals. u c, she got pissed n annoyed that she didnt get attention. so she tried to get noticed by tapping her sandals, observing her nailpaint, adjusting her hair, n u kno all those crappy but attractive things girls do to say "admit my beauty, u idiot" n there i was, trying to relax my fractured brain with some peace. there was maybe 15-20 cm distance between us.. since i was in technical trauma, i started calculating, how much time it will take to cover that space in between. so i anticipated methods, techniques, formulae n all to calculate the time. if shes like a rasputin version of female, it wouldnt take me 2 days , but if shes like an "Indian" girl, itll take me eternity. (given that i dont marry her).
but i failed.

n so, i concluded,
there are things, some too little to think about, some pretty big. which are not linear, nor time n space dependent, doesn't follow newton's rules (i should write "anybody" instead of newton, but the name "newton" gives me a feeling ), can not be proved, can not be locked in science, n are out of control of rational human understanding.

like music, tears, home, friends. like you n like me. unique but as ordinary as "the void sky".