Sunday 9th oct, Afternoon 1.24PM.

"Donno where im sitting. Some 4-5 kms away from my dorm room. Was feeling a little down n blue. so thought, lets fuck it up and go somewhere with bike, someplace ivent been to. cos you see ive experienced the chaos, when an empty mind meets a malfunctioning brain. and believe me its way too healthier and better to get engaged in some kinda stupid shit than to sit alone, think, smoke, fall into the deep dark abyss and get dumbfucked by the irony of reality and of our lives.

still the feeling of hollowness hasnt gone. anyway, so here i am, sitting on this wooden bench in a middle of nowhere. a jungle behind me with tall trees and no sound. but can somehow hear the sound of tyres scratching the road, running over 200kmph on one of the autobahns nearby. i wish i was in one of those cars going away, just for a while. its quite cold in here with this fast blowing wind but the beautiful thing is i can feel the october sunshine warming my numb fingertips. this is the first time, im loving the afternoon sun, really. but the wind is not as cold as my heart. i know im missing something. some friends. one fucker working on a computer some thousands of miles south-east and the other, must be chatting with his newly found love, some thousands of miles south-west from where im sitting.

i donno y, even though i know the pain, the ache and all the consequent fuck-ups, i keep on wanting it. i wish i could get rid of those fucking chemicals and hormones manipulating my straight and sober thoughts. i know the shitty feeling, i don wanna feel that again. "

well, this is where i went with my bycycle. sat there for an hour in warmth of the afternoon sun. felt really relieved. found this thing written on one of those last pages of my book. but shit, cant decipher now what exactly i was feeling, thinking and writing. hahha, im surprised how things change and how we forget what we felt immensely bad about and just move on with life. such a bitch.

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